my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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