If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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