im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
