Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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