? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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