Cold hands, warm shart.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
