Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize