Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
whose ass print is on the piano?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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