By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
