Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
