when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
