did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the day after is always just damage control
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
