some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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