i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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