i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
