That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You are the jesus of drinking
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
