Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
