Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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