Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
