STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
