Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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