What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
