I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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