she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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