shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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