dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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