I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar