are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
