it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom