he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
