So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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