Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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