i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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