would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
