she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
