If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
