my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
