I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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