fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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