Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
