he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
