How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
