It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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