Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
