i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
