My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
