eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
