yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
