he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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