Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
