This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
