i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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