I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm at about main and main street
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
