Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
