was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
