sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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