i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
