Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
