Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
