i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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