A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize