i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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