Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
