if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
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She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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