Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
