The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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