i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
