i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
