Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
