i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
