They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
