So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
