my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
