I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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