I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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