I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
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I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
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You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German