im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
