My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
