Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
