Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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