i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
