It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
