So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
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i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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